I don't mind sharing my age. As a former athlete, my birthday is a public record; anyone who googles my name can find it without much effort. I am turning 40 in a few weeks, and life decided to throw some new obstacles my way. The last few weeks have been interesting, to say the least.
💪 You feel invincible unless you realize you aren't. 😳
I have had plenty of injuries in my life - most of them come from my physical activities associated with my passion of pushing my body to and past its limits - but none of these are life-threatening. Well, some of them feel like they are because they deeply threaten your ego - but not an actual physical death. If anything, all of those injuries condition you to know how to deal with and accept physical pain (sometimes to a level that might be detrimental).
I was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago, which made me think 🤔...
What? Me? Really? How? Nah! This won't be serious!
And I am still not sure if a cancer diagnosis is serious - but it certainly made me evaluate and appreciate the health I have been given and have been taking for granted for the vast majority of my life.
People say we don't know what we have until we lose it, which is true for anything - especially health. I am now cancer-free. It was a relatively quick process that entailed sacrificing part of my leg and a few lymph nodes. I am still pondering and digesting that sacrifice and its worth.
🐶 Dogs are angels on earth. ❤️
About half a day after my "you have cancer with a risk of spreading" news, I was told that my dog had a brain tumor. That was the real punch in my gut. It is funny how the more serious news always trumps the less serious one. There is a joke about this - the way to get out of pain is to inflict a more significant pain on yourself, and you will forget about the less painful object. Anyway, I don't suggest trying it; it's something we say in our family.
What did I do? I cried for 5 hours - the remainder of that day until I had no water tears left. Then, the day after, I started processing, researching, and thinking more statistically. The options were $hitty - but at times - I guess the only options you might be left with are a few $hitty options, and one must decide which one of the $hitty options to choose. This is one of the moments where you wish your DOG could talk to you - they could tell you how they feel - and what risks they want to take.
Making that decision for your pet (or anyone else for that matter) is terrifying, but ultimately, we decided to go forward with the brain surgery for a few reasons:
I could not have imagined my life without my Alli-DOG - anyway - not this early. She will turn 9 in about a week, and I feel it is way too early to let her go. Alli-DOG, being a Rhodesian Ridgeback, already lives way too short of a life as is - but 9 years seemed just way too little. I am not ready and able to accept saying goodbye to her this early.
I couldn't just sit and wait and NOT try to help in every way I could. The amount of fun, joy, purpose, and love she brings to my life is unparalleled. I often ponder how so much love can be found in something so little - and how unfair the world is that their lives are so short. And yes, Alli-DOG can be a pain in the butt at times - and it is also interesting how our love finds a way to appreciate and love others not because of their perfection - but precisely because of the little imperfect and sometimes "pain-in-the-butt" things they do. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry says in Chapter 21 of The Little Prince:
"It's the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
I am grateful for having the means and ability to pay for Alli's procedures. I have more deeply realized the value of money. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I could not pay for all Alli-DOG's medical needs. She is an equal part of our family (if not a more significant part because of her unconditional love) as anyone else. The surgery is just one step to making Alli-DOG feel better. She will also need a series of radiation treatments. It is interesting that - per the statistics from the vet hospital - the vast majority of people aren't willing to pay for both of these procedures for their dogs - given the price it adds up to - which is why they don't have good statistics for pairing the two together (brain surgery + radiation treatments). It is the best chance Alli has to help her live another 2 years of life (maybe more if we are lucky) with the most puppy fun and the best quality of life.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ." Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Turning 40, Cancer diagnosis journey, and dog brain tumor treatment
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